..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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