So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
