its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
