feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
