Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
