i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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