can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
