i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
