Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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