Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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