i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
