R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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