my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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