Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I look better un-naked...
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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