if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
