so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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