So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
