Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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