Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
