I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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