I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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