Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
