I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I think I just shit out all my problems.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
