Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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