I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
