Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
