I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
