my mouth tastes like poor choices
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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