dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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