tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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