what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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