I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I think people are normalizing furries
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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