This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
