What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
