my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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