so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
