If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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