My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
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