a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
it was like eating out sand paper
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
