a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
