I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
