Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
