Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
