It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
