i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
