my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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