dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
