Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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