just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
i've created a new STD.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
