the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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