gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
