I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize