In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
