Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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