Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
