I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Vodka?
Forever.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
