I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
