the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
