If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
