I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
