i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
