he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
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