This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
