Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
