one two three fourrrrnication!
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
