I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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